The Dummy's Guide To Marriage

In a massive dose of hindsight, I realized that everyone tends to blow the whole marriage scene out of proportion. I"m here to set the record straight on some myths, some do's and don't's and to basically get your head out of the sand when it comes to the almighty nuptials.

1. Your life is about to change. - Um, why? If you're thinking about marriage then you'd better be DAMN certain you know what you're getting into here. Your best bet is to know your partner inside and out. It drives me nuts when people bitch about stupid shit like their partner puts the toilet paper roll on backwards, or they squeeze from the wrong end of the toothpaste tube, or they wash glasses last. C'mon people! If you're going to spend the rest of your life with someone then you'd better be aware of every little intricacy of their daily routine. If something surprises you then you didn't do your homework.

2. You surrender your freetime/freedom/hobbies. - Heeeelllllllllllllll no. I love my girlfriend to death but I still need my own space. I need to do my own thing every now and then to unwind in true guy fashion. Its those times I boot her out the door for a pedicure/massage/shopping/lunch with her GFs; ie. something she can do for herself without me hovering over her shoulder. Sure, we hang out together often but 24/7/365 gets old quick. If your partner starts giving you the look about going out to do your own thing, just point out things that they can do for themselves as well. But keep it in moderation...every night at the bar or every weekend on the back 9 is called neglect.

3. You become a different person. - People are constantly growing and learning every day. In every situation we are examining options, determining outcomes and becoming better at what we do. It's called progress. Now, when people come at you with that whole "Dude, you've changed since you got married..." there's two things to consider here: 1) Did you out grow the frat boy persona your buds are missing, and 2) Did you grow up or get whipped up? No one should be told to change for someone else's desire. "I would love you more if you did ..." is a bullshit line. You are who you are and you aren't required to change for anyone. Sure you can grow but drastic course changes don't work for many people. You're supposed to grow TOGETHER, not you grow while they direct. This is where communication comes into play. You need to talk about everything together so that you can reach that end point together and not sleeping in separate beds.

4. Dating is better than being married. - Yes, because spending every Friday/Saturday at the bar losing $100+ trying to pick up that cutie that's been eyeing your best friend all night is the bomb. Back in my days of hooking up and hanging out, I would've tentatively agreed with that statement. Sure it was nice to meet new people, but did I have to go through a dozen wack-jobs to find someone with half a brain? I couldn't stand trying to date these days. I'm too old and too tired to play those games. Give me someone that understands me without me having to say a word, and I'll trump your prayers to the porcelain god any day.

5. Your partner is more likely to cheat if you're married. - First of all, cheaters are driven to cheat. Something is driving them away from your arms and to someone else's, be it your lack of attention, someone else's attention to them, or their lack of resolve...it's all predestined to happen. We are all primal creatures of habit. We breed, that's what mammals do. The trick is to figure out how to KEEP your mate. Your attention should be focused on their needs (and vice versa) so that there's no need to see the grass on the other side of the fence. You stop mowing the lawn and they're bound to go looking for a new landscapper. You need to communicate and spend time together. When the physical starts to go a few and far between, you need to put on the brakes and make special quaility time for each other. Sex in the marriage shouldn't be a chore but it shouldn't slip your mind either.

6. Kids will ruin your life. - If this is your first thought when someone mentions kids, then do yourself a favor and don't have them. Kids ARE a life-altering event, but they are supposed to be a POSITIVE one and not a negative one. Sure, you're now responsible for them for the next 18-20 years and you'll lose sleep, hair and money on them but they're worth it. You can still do many of the normal things before the kiddies came along if you organize your routines. Pre-plan, prepare and precondition yourselves to doing things to free up time for yourselves. It's possible, trust me. And when you watch their sleeping faces before you head to bed, you'll realize that kids ARE your life but they don't control it and you wouldn't miss this for the world.

7. Careers put the relationship second. - Speaking on second-hand knowledge here, it's possible that two people will need to further their money-making skills by going back to school to hopefully add another 'zero' to the end of their paycheck. This is known as a sacrifice. They now have to study and do all that school stuff and you have to pick up the slack from all the things they're not going to be able to do for you. Yeah, it'll suck for however long they're doing but you have to look at the long-term goal here. Better job offers, better pay and better opportunities for promotion are the end results and you can't really afford to pass those up these days. The one thing to keep in mind is that if it's the both of you, don't whine when it's their turn to go to class. They put up with all the crap while you studied so the least you can do is return the favor. And plan for a big vacation once you both get where you need to be career-wise. You'll have earned it.

Let's add to this.

What myths/rumors of marriage are you concerned about?